In my job at Prudential, I've heard or used the phrase "return to work" hundreds or thousands of times. I have a whole different perspective on those three simple words right now.
For quite some time I've been looking forward to getting back to the office. I love my home, but spending any more time there during the day would drive me crazy and I wanted to feel productive and dynamic again. Work gives me that.
When I returned to the office, I found big changes that have occurred. Familiar faces have left the company or our division, including our President Ed Baird. Changes everywhere have taken place including big changes within my own division. Plus my office was moved. So right now, in my second day, I'm reacclimating myself.
My voice has held out better than I thought, but I do have moments where I can't speak . . . which is awkward and difficult. My hearing has not been a problem at all yet, but with my first conference call I'll know better where we are there.
The main thing I'm working on now is seeing whether or not my body can take full-time hours or needs to come back on a part-time basis for the first month or so. Being me, instead of starting slow, I'm trying to do full-time hours this week. If I can't do it, then I figured I would adjust then. I just didn't want to come back part-time without trying to go full-time first.
Oh, one none work-related thing of note popped up. I was on the American Cancer Society's Cancer Surivor forums a couple days ago. I saw something that took a lot of pressure off me. It's very common for head/neck survivors not to be able to eat for even 9 months to a year following treatment. Here I've been beating myself up because it's a little over 2 months and I'm not eating yet. So, what I'm going through is very normal and I don't need to feel like I'm not doing enough. When I can get this PEG tube out of my stomach, and get to eating real food again . . . that will be incredible. I'm smiling just thinking about what the future holds for me.
Finally, I wanted to let people know that I've gained a little wait back and am at 180 (still about 30-40 pounds below pre-treatment wait). I look about the same size I did when I got out of college. And my hair is really coming in now. It's getting thicker and longer already. Soon I'll look like a hippy.
Monday, April 21, 2008
Thursday, April 17, 2008
No Longer Cancer Patient . . . Cancer Survivor
First of all, I apologize for not posting for quite some time. There has been a lot going on and as superstitious as it sounds, I did not want to tempt fate by posting anything until I met with my doctors, etc.
Tomorrow I am scheduled to return to work, and I'm excited to be going back. My excitement is tempered by my concerns about my voice and hearing. I still have trouble speaking, but I am speaking again. My hearing is also affected, to the point where the doctor says I have the hearing of a 70-year old. In time, some hearing loss may be recovered. At the one year point, if no improvement is achieved . . . it's hearing aid time. I can live with that. I'm just worried about the near future and being able to hear people during conference calls, etc. Listening and talking are crucial parts of my job, and I always want to be the best.
The results of a recent PET scan for cancer found some nodules in my lungs that could be cancer. The lungs are a common spot for nasopharynx cancer to metasisize (spread) to after treatment, so I was concerned. Dr. Weinstein ordered a CT followup and meeting with top doc pulmonary specialist Sturman at Penn.
My CT was done and last week I meet with Dr. Weinstein again. He scoped my nose/throat, which is a slightly uncomfortable process . . . but I have worried about possible recurrence of my nasopharynx tumor and this was a way to take a look. He said everything looked great up there. He also reviewed the CT and PET and thought there was probably nothing to worry about, but to still see Dr. Sturman. This was a tremendous relief, but not the greatest feeling I got out of that visit. You see, I saw Dr. Weinstein key the word "remission" into the computer.
I was till nervous about the possible lung spread, especially with the heavy cough I had developed. So, this morning when I met with Dr. Sherman (chemo doc) and Dr. Sturman (pulmonary), I was keeping my fingers crossed. The other key piece of information that I wanted from Dr. Sherman was the result of my EBV test. You may recall me mentioning that post-treatment EBV levels are more predictive of cancer recurrence than PET or CT or MRI. Elevated levels after treatment, even with apparently clean PET/CT/MRI tend to lead to a recurrence and/or spread of the cancer. Whereas, normal levels do not.
Dr. Sherman checked me out and it was good to see him again. He said my EBV levels were so low they were undetectable . . . AMAZING news. It reminded me of the old show Cheers when Norm greets the beer tap repair guy with the phrase: "If only we lived in a culture where men could kiss men without shame." Awesome news. He followed it up by saying that my PET/CT results in the chest were nothing to worry about. So, I left Dr. Sherman's office feeling very good.
So, then I headed over to Dr. Sturman to see what he thought about the lung tests, etc. Dr. Sturman was extremely professional. A great doctor. He talked about my situation asking many questions, and listening to my lungs very carefully. He said everything sounded normal and took me to view my CT scans. He noted that there were three suspicious spots on my lungs. The first he said showed signs of inflammatory scarring, and almost definitely was not cancer. The second he said was a cluster at the bottom of my lungs that showed every sign of being drainage and not cancer. The third he said he really didn't think was cancer but was less easy to completely dismiss. He said it was very unlikely to be cancer, but the only way to know for sure would be surgical resection which he thought was unwarranted. Instead, he said we'd monitor it next time we saw each other . . . in 6 months. This tack seemed more of a thoroughness move than any concern of actual cancer on his part.
I don't want to pull a George Bush "Mission Accomplished" here, but everything points to me having beaten cancer. God, Kristina, my mom, and everyone who cared and prayed for me worked wonders! Now it's time to really live again.
Tomorrow I am scheduled to return to work, and I'm excited to be going back. My excitement is tempered by my concerns about my voice and hearing. I still have trouble speaking, but I am speaking again. My hearing is also affected, to the point where the doctor says I have the hearing of a 70-year old. In time, some hearing loss may be recovered. At the one year point, if no improvement is achieved . . . it's hearing aid time. I can live with that. I'm just worried about the near future and being able to hear people during conference calls, etc. Listening and talking are crucial parts of my job, and I always want to be the best.
The results of a recent PET scan for cancer found some nodules in my lungs that could be cancer. The lungs are a common spot for nasopharynx cancer to metasisize (spread) to after treatment, so I was concerned. Dr. Weinstein ordered a CT followup and meeting with top doc pulmonary specialist Sturman at Penn.
My CT was done and last week I meet with Dr. Weinstein again. He scoped my nose/throat, which is a slightly uncomfortable process . . . but I have worried about possible recurrence of my nasopharynx tumor and this was a way to take a look. He said everything looked great up there. He also reviewed the CT and PET and thought there was probably nothing to worry about, but to still see Dr. Sturman. This was a tremendous relief, but not the greatest feeling I got out of that visit. You see, I saw Dr. Weinstein key the word "remission" into the computer.
I was till nervous about the possible lung spread, especially with the heavy cough I had developed. So, this morning when I met with Dr. Sherman (chemo doc) and Dr. Sturman (pulmonary), I was keeping my fingers crossed. The other key piece of information that I wanted from Dr. Sherman was the result of my EBV test. You may recall me mentioning that post-treatment EBV levels are more predictive of cancer recurrence than PET or CT or MRI. Elevated levels after treatment, even with apparently clean PET/CT/MRI tend to lead to a recurrence and/or spread of the cancer. Whereas, normal levels do not.
Dr. Sherman checked me out and it was good to see him again. He said my EBV levels were so low they were undetectable . . . AMAZING news. It reminded me of the old show Cheers when Norm greets the beer tap repair guy with the phrase: "If only we lived in a culture where men could kiss men without shame." Awesome news. He followed it up by saying that my PET/CT results in the chest were nothing to worry about. So, I left Dr. Sherman's office feeling very good.
So, then I headed over to Dr. Sturman to see what he thought about the lung tests, etc. Dr. Sturman was extremely professional. A great doctor. He talked about my situation asking many questions, and listening to my lungs very carefully. He said everything sounded normal and took me to view my CT scans. He noted that there were three suspicious spots on my lungs. The first he said showed signs of inflammatory scarring, and almost definitely was not cancer. The second he said was a cluster at the bottom of my lungs that showed every sign of being drainage and not cancer. The third he said he really didn't think was cancer but was less easy to completely dismiss. He said it was very unlikely to be cancer, but the only way to know for sure would be surgical resection which he thought was unwarranted. Instead, he said we'd monitor it next time we saw each other . . . in 6 months. This tack seemed more of a thoroughness move than any concern of actual cancer on his part.
I don't want to pull a George Bush "Mission Accomplished" here, but everything points to me having beaten cancer. God, Kristina, my mom, and everyone who cared and prayed for me worked wonders! Now it's time to really live again.
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