"I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish that He didn't trust me so much."
~Mother Teresa
So, here I am about two weeks after my radiation treatment has ended. My lymph nodes are very small, and I'm not sure if I can feel them in there any more or not. That's the good news.
The bad news is that recovery has been gruelling. I wish I had better news, but the fight has been very difficult the past few days. Yesterday I had a pretty decent day after what was 48 hours of real trouble. I was vomiting a lot and unable to take in more than 700 calories per day . . . just two stinking little cans of food. I felt like hell most of the past two weeks, actually making me wonder if I could possibly get through this. Not that I have much of a choice. With little sleep or nourishment for days, plus all the constant mucous, frequent vomiting, exhaustion, etc. it was a very dark time . . . and here I thought things were supposed to start getting easier.
Talking to others, I've learned that recovery generally doesn't begin until 2-3 weeks after radiation ends, and can take 8-12 weeks. I'm not sure how my additional chemo rounds will delay the process, but I imagine they'll drag things out a bit.
It's frustrating after having invested so much to getting better, that I just seem to be feeling worse. All the same, I'm hopeful that things will turn for me soon. My mom and Kristina have been amazing with their support, and I worry that they'll be exhausted by it all. Shelly's visits are very helpful, too.
I've definitely hit a wall where I can't use intellect to combat my illness any more, and it's as much of a pure physical as an emotional/spiritual struggle now. I'm down to 175 or so, and today I'm feeling better than I have.
To those who leave comments, you have no idea how much they mean to me. When I can't post because I feel so bad, I sometimes look back on comments and draw strength from them. Your prayers and good wishes keep me going.
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15 comments:
Keep the healing hand strong Dave :)
-k
I check in everyday. The mucousal membranes should start to repair again now since the last radiation treatment. The cilia will start to renew themselves soon too.
Hopefully in the next 3 days things will start to feel different, more tolerable anyway.
Keep trying to get the calories and drink water. You just need some time and love to get you through this.
Loads of good thoughts and prayers from us.
Dave, you can do this! Keep strong!
Hi, Dave. Some days just waking in the morning and sleeping at night . . . that has to be what constitutes a good day. Keep courage, keep hope, keep fighting, rest when you can, and know that you're not alone. I'm so happy to hear of all the "real life" support you have. You have a lot of "imaginary friends" out here, too. God hears your name a lot. And remember, "That which doesn't kill us is gonna wish that it had." Take no prisoners.
Hi Dave
So sorry to hear you're having such a bad time.
All I can say is to hang in there and know that things will start getting better. I'm sure it's very hard to keep your positive attitude when you're throwing up and feel like hell but just remember this will pass and you'll be back on top again. I know it isn't happening fast enough but it will happen.
Just remember that there are so many people thinking about you and praying for you. You're a winner!!
Love & Hugs, Nancy
Dave??? I check on you every day. Keep your spirits up, you don't know how much that I count on you. I am praying for you little buddy!!!
I love the quote on this.. I say that one alot.. Im sorry you feel so bad.. You're in my thoughts and prayers everyday.. Love you cousin!!!!! xoxo
That quote is one of my favorites! Very fitting in your situation. I check your blog everyday now, and pray for you. Hopefully you're recovery will be noticable soon. Remember, as long as you keep fighting, you're moving in the right direction.
We pray evey night for you and when I put the kids to bed and Maxfield is now saying your name as part of the routine (he usually just lets me say all of the names but the other night he said Dave Cole).
Stay strong my brother.
Dave,
I remember the difficult days post treatment. It does get better....slower than you want, but each day you are closer to full recovery. Hang in there.
Here's a quote I received from another cancer survivor:
A Bend in the Road
Sometimes we come to life's crossroads
and view what we think is the end,
but God has a much wider vision
and God knows it's only a bend.
The road will go on and get smoother,
and after we've stopped for a rest,
the path that lies hidden beyond us
is often the part that is best.
So rest, relax and grow stronger,
let go and let God share your load,
and have faith in a brighter tomorrow,
you've just come to a bend in the road.
Author Unknown
Dave,
I recall you saying that your Dr.'s said that you came out of this round better than most. You are strong person with an iron will. You have the people around you who love you and care for you. You have all the pieces you need to get through this. Stay strong, you will get through this.
Brian
How are you getting on today, David?
Hi Dave
It's Thanksgiving and I just wanted to let you know I've been thinking about you and said a very special prayer for you today.
Next Thanksgiving this will all be just a memory. I know that doesn't help much for now but just remember that brighter days are on the way. You WILL come out on top!!
Love & Hugs, Nancy
One day, this will be a distant memory.
Praying for you Dave.
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