Battling Back

It's been a while since I lead off with a quote, but here's a good one.

"It does appear that his disease has completely resolved with the concurrent radiation and cisplatin followed by adjuvant 5-fluorouracil and cisplatin."

- Dr. Lorraine Dougherty, notes from medical chart for David Cole

Mind you, i still have an all important PET/CT scan in April and there's still a risk of recurrence for the first 2-5 years, but it's nice to see this.

I'm feeling surprisingly well here at 2 weeks post-chemo #6 and it's been a pleasant surprise. Nothing like the last two rounds. Thank God, and all of you for your thoughts and prayers. I still have wicked dry mouth and terrible mucous in my throat that keeps me from being able to talk much at all, and food is still all liquid through tube. Still, at this point, I'm not barfing constantly or being rushed to the ER. I consider that a very good thing.

This is a big week for me.

I had bloodwork done today at Doylestown, my last visit there until they take out my PICC line, which should be soon. My blood cell counts were low, so I'm really prone to infection right now. This means no going anywhere or being around people. Knowing how social I am, you'd realize how much of a hell that is for me. But I keep in contact with email and stuff. Hopefully in a week or two my counts will be healthy enough to reintroduce me to society. By then maybe I'll be able to talk again easier.

Tomorrow I go back down to Penn to meet with my medical oncologist Dr. Sherman. I haven't seen him since November/December. I'm interested to hear what he's got to say about my chemo results and plan of action for the future. I know he'll want me to put on more weight. I'm at 170 now. Ideally, I'd like to get back to 190. What's funny is that after I can eat again and life returns to normal, it'll be hard for me to keep from getting fat.

Wednesday I have a dentist appointment. I'm worried the dry mouth is having an effect on my teeth. Typically patients get lots of cavities and I fear this could happen. I've tried to do a good job of brushing, etc. but dry mouth is just hell on teeth.

So, like I said, busy week.

Getting a little bumpy

OK, I knew it was coming and yesterday afternoon things got a little bumpy on me. After not really getting sick all week, yesterday I was sick 4 times and felt like hell from afternoon to night.

It's been nice having the time before this, and I'm ready for the bumpy ride ahead. May it be short.

Thanks, everyone. For the thoughts and prayers. I can't tell you how much I need them.

So Far, So Good

I've been lucky so far. Unlike my last treatment, I havent been vomitting yet. I'm starting to feel the side effects, but it's a lot smoother than last time. With that said, I know it's this weekend through the next one or two that's toughest on me.

For now, I'm counting my blessings though.

Good Omen

Something touching happened to me this morning that really gives me faith in my fight.

From time to time, I receive a get well card with an encouraging message in the mail. Usually these cards are from my aunts, uncles, other family, or friends that don't see me regularly. And of course, I've received cards from caring co-workers at Prudential.

I really appreciate these cards, because people take time to let me know I'm in their thoughts and it helps me feel less alone. A lot like this blog and comments section. For a lot of people, they want to help me and just don't know how, and I think they send a card almost because they don't know what else to do. It's a good move, at least I appreciate it.

One friend of mine, who was almost like a 2nd mom to me growing up has sent me like 20 cards. She's a cancer survivor herself and is such a positive bright light. She posts comments here a lot, too. I really love and appreciate it.

Well, today the card came from a very unusual sender. The envelope's return address read Westview Missionary Baptist Church. It was postmarked Beckley, WV.

Beckley is the county seat of Raleigh County, West Virginia. A place where I spent a lot of time as a kid. You see, that's where my grandparents lived when I was growing up. Not in "urban" Beckley, but 40-minutez outside in the back country hills. Very rural, and poor but proud. It was also incredibly beautiful. The song Almost Heaven made sense. There was no town to speak of where they lived. Their road was gravel and wound through a hill and hollow. At the end of the gravel road, where it met a paved state highway was the small, wooden church where everyone went on Wednesday nights and Sundays, if not more. This was Westview Missionary Baptist Church.

Every summer I went to my grandparents place. They had a good amount of land, where a boy could shoot, hike, tend chickens and pigs, and meet kids whose lives where very different from his. My grandfather was a man's man bigger than John Wayne to me, and my grandmother was a very religious and made sure that I got to church while we were visiting.

So, I worshipped more than once in Westview Missionary Baptist Church as a kid. It was not the quiet, calm of the Presbyterian Church that I was raised in. The preacher here was fire-and-brimstone and the services very interactive, and filled with lively spirit. There was no hiding in that small church. If you didn't sing, you'd get called out on it. Questions were asked from the pulpit and you better be ready to answer.

The last time I was there was probably 1987, so I was very surprised to get a card from the church. My grandmother hasn't lived out that way for almost 20 years. Nevertheless, when I opened that card, I found it was signed by dozens of members of the congregation one Sunday morning. I'm in their thoughts, they'd tell me, and in their PRAYERS. Now that's the sort of Jesus power you have to love.

Cancer doesn't stand a chance when I've got people like that praying for me. And I'm very moved to be remembered and loved this way.

What a great day today was!

I had a very nice day today, which is great. I really need the boost before next week's adventure begins. What made it so nice? I'm not really sure, but it helped that I didn't get sick at all today.

My mom has been around and we've chatted here and there and my voice is definitely getting stronger. I puttered away on-line all day today trading emails with all sorts of friends all day, and I think at the end of the day all that social contact is really what made today so great.

Much better than a day of lying around on the couch watching sitcom reruns and letting the day drag by. My mom love seeing up and about instead of just vegetating at the couch.

To be honest, part of my computer work today is to start exercising my body for full days at work again. I need to get ready for office work again. While much of my day is spent or in meetings, a big part of my job is slugging away at the PC reviewing and preparing documents. Sometimes, it's long days of getting materials designed for presentations/meetings and updating project management tracking tools. I know it sounds dull to some, but I actually miss it. Today, I sort of felt like I was working from home. The productivity felt good!

Another nice thing that happened today is that the doctor who has been with me from the start of this journey, but had to move on now that the radiation phase is complete, gave me a call out of the blue just to hear how I was doing. What kind of doctor these days calls former patients to check on them? None of my current docs call me. Dr. Bar Ad is an amazingly caring person and my strong instincts about her were right on. She's tops. She gave me her number and told me to call her with updates and any questions at all. How lucky I am that a world-class doctor took such a personal interest in my case. She wants me cured and is proud of how I've come along.

Tonight, I'm looking forward to trying to have a little New England clam chowder for dinner. While I eat it, I'll be thinking of all the happy Giants fans who saw their team heroically beat Boston last night.

I want to live, baby!

OK, I've reached a tough decision. I'm going forward with the sixth and (pray God) final chemo treatment.

I think having the recent recurrence fear was good for me. It reminded me how much I have to do everything in my body and spirit's power to defeat the Big C. God is helping. My doctors are helping. Man, is my support team helping. Thanks mom, dad, mike, Kristina, Shelly, and friends, plus all you guys. So, I need to tough out this last treatment to give myself the very best chance to live a longer and happier life enjoying all my blessings.

True, these last two chemo treatments have been really scarey and rough on my body. I really haven't had to dig so deep before, but I need to do this so I can get on with my best chance for long-term survival.

The troublesome parts of this are many. First, I am worn out and really just want to quickly get whole as soon as possible. This delays that a month. But what's a month, when you're talking life, right?!

The second troublesome item is that I am eager to get back to work and have a deadline of March 12, which I could make without doing chemo 6. Doing chemo 6, it's unlikely I'll be up for return then. I risk losing my job, as I'll have been out for 6 months. I love my work and the people that I deal with, so aside from the financial and medical grief, I'd rather not deal with that. I can apply for a leave of absence for the period after March 12 until I return. Hopefully, it's approved. But I really wanted to be back in March.

Third, I have a theater obligation which begins in the first week of March, which I am going to be out for. I'll need to rely on friends to cover for me for the weeks until I'm ready to try to direct. It'll be tough and I'm really sorry about this. So many of my friends and my entertainment are wrapped around our theater company. I've missed it very much.

Ultimately, these are costs that need to be paid. We are talking about giving me the best chance to live. Temporary suffering for a few weeks, financial tradeoffs, and giving up hobbies is the cost I have to pay. If I go down to cancer, I never want to know that I didn't do all I could to beat it. I want my family and loved ones to know that I did all I could to be with them as long as I could.

Great News: An Understatement

The swollen lymph nodes are most likely not cancer. They seem like a simple case of parotitis, which is an inflammation of my salivary gland due to the radiation and dry mouth. What a relief!!!!

The problem is not uncommon, but the doc at Doylestown did not know what it was. Dr. Dougherty called Dr. Sherman who suggested it, and then Weinstein who said that I needed to see a ENT specialist immediately.

So after a 9-hour hospital day, I met with Dr. Mass, who is a Doylestown ENT. He knows Weinstein very well, and Weinstein had mentioned he knew the ENT staff at Doylestown and was very impressed by them.

After a short examination and some questions, he said it looks like a simple case of parotitis, an inflamed salivary gland. I was so relieved and told him worried my cancer had come back and he gave me a knowing "I don't think so", which made me feel good. I need more fluids, and to suck on candy/chewing gum to stimulate more flow.

This was another rollercoaster ride where I really feared the worst, and things worked out for the best.

Now my big question is whether or not to do the #6 chemo and finish my treatments, or pull the plug. Hmmmm.