OK, I've reached a tough decision. I'm going forward with the sixth and (pray God) final chemo treatment.
I think having the recent recurrence fear was good for me. It reminded me how much I have to do everything in my body and spirit's power to defeat the Big C. God is helping. My doctors are helping. Man, is my support team helping. Thanks mom, dad, mike, Kristina, Shelly, and friends, plus all you guys. So, I need to tough out this last treatment to give myself the very best chance to live a longer and happier life enjoying all my blessings.
True, these last two chemo treatments have been really scarey and rough on my body. I really haven't had to dig so deep before, but I need to do this so I can get on with my best chance for long-term survival.
The troublesome parts of this are many. First, I am worn out and really just want to quickly get whole as soon as possible. This delays that a month. But what's a month, when you're talking life, right?!
The second troublesome item is that I am eager to get back to work and have a deadline of March 12, which I could make without doing chemo 6. Doing chemo 6, it's unlikely I'll be up for return then. I risk losing my job, as I'll have been out for 6 months. I love my work and the people that I deal with, so aside from the financial and medical grief, I'd rather not deal with that. I can apply for a leave of absence for the period after March 12 until I return. Hopefully, it's approved. But I really wanted to be back in March.
Third, I have a theater obligation which begins in the first week of March, which I am going to be out for. I'll need to rely on friends to cover for me for the weeks until I'm ready to try to direct. It'll be tough and I'm really sorry about this. So many of my friends and my entertainment are wrapped around our theater company. I've missed it very much.
Ultimately, these are costs that need to be paid. We are talking about giving me the best chance to live. Temporary suffering for a few weeks, financial tradeoffs, and giving up hobbies is the cost I have to pay. If I go down to cancer, I never want to know that I didn't do all I could to beat it. I want my family and loved ones to know that I did all I could to be with them as long as I could.
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8 comments:
Dave, I can only imagine what a hard decision it was for you to make. There were so many things to take into consideration. Like you said, you want to know that you've done everything you could to beat this thing. You've been through so much and you WILL get through this last treatment. Yes, it will be hard for you but you are such a fighter. After this treatment is over, you'll be able to put all of your energy into healing.
You're going to come through this as a winner.
Hang in there for a little while longer. Soon you're going to be out there enjoying all the things you love.
Love & Hugs.....Nancy
Wow. You seem to have considered everything. I'm sure everyone here would say, "Go for it!" no matter what you decided. But now that you've made the decision, I like your thinking -- a month or so of really tough, for decades of good health. God be with you, as He has been. :)
What a very difficult decision to have to make, when you know what you will have to go through all over again. I can only imagine.
Have you got a start date for the next chemo yet or will they wait till your WBC recovers a bit more?
Loads and loads of good thoughts for you for the final treatments. (Get your slingshot re-loaded with really big rocks, David!)
My next chemo is slated for next Monday, February 11.
I recently traveled to Sienna (noticed your quote from Saint Catherine). I lit a candle in her church - the one where she attended Mass and where her relics on display. The candle is for you. God bless you.
Dave, that had to be a tough call, and a rough few days with the uncertainty. You are someone who has immense inner strength, it may have been tested over these last few months, but this is the home stretch. You have a great support network, you can do this! As you said, what is a month in the scheme of a lifetime? Know that you have a many people pulling for you and you will be able to get through the last round. With the great network you have around you I am sure the other things will be taken care of.
Woohoo... A few more days of not knowing my lines.
I jest of course. Dave, you know it is the right decision and the rest will work out.
Peace.
I am so glad to hear it. Best wishes with everything Dave!
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