Latest Doc Visit

"In the midst of winter, I found there was, within me, an invincible summer."
- Albert Camus

Here it is, Friday and nearly December. As rough as the treatment and recovery process has been, it's amazing how quickly time passes. I am very thankful for this, because I know that every day that passes is another day closer to my being able to eat, speak, and live fully again.

Yesterday, for the first time in 3 weeks, I left my house. Not only that, I drove . . . to two appointments that I had. It was great getting out of the house, and while my weak muscles reminded me how hard this battle has been, the throaty sound of my GTI's engine reminded me how great life is.

My first appointment was at 9.15am at my local dentists. While the Penn dentist was great, it just seems too far to go and the office staff there were unpleasant. So, I chose to go to my local dentist office. They, unfortunately, see a lot of head/neck cancer patients and survivors and are too familiar with radiation effects on dental hygiene. Dr. Walker looked at my teeth, and I was abit afraid because I haven't been able to tolerate daily fluoride tray placements at home for weeks. They would make me sick, so I have relied only on brushing. I remembered my Penn dentist warning that people who usually see a cavity every other dental visit often get as many as 40 cavitites after radiation each visit. I wasn't sure what to expect. Well, my dentist took a good look and told me she was very impressed. Not only did I have no new cavities, but there was not even any calculus/tartar on my teeth. The good news is that she said my dental care was great, but even better is that there's enough saliva production to help my teeth! My production is among the best she's ever seen!

My second appointment was with Dr. Dougherty at Doylestown Hospital for my next three chemo treatments/hospitalizations. As you remember, Dr. Sherman at Penn was kind enough to refer a colleague of his here in Bucks, so that I would not have to spend 4=5 nights down in the city in the hospital for my treatment. I would prefer to stay closer to home and Doylestown is only 15-20 minutes away.

It was such a pleasure not having to drive all the way into the City for my appointment. The country setting of the hospital is so much more relaxing, the cleanliness and spirit of the place was much more calming than Penn. I felt pretty good going in.

Dr. Dougherty herself seemed very nice and knowledgeable. More importantly, we talked about my treatment and she sees no reason for me to be hospitalized at my age and level of health. They will install a PICC, a catheter line, into my arm through which the cisplatin and then 5FU will pass. They'll give me the cisplatin in the hospital, but then i'll spend the next few nights at home receiving the continuous 5FU dose. Then I'll return to the hospital for a check, and they'll remove the PICC line. So, I'll be able to do this from home! Fantastic!

We scheduled my PICC line insertion procedure for Dec 6 and my chemo begins Dec 10.

The other bit of good news is that I actually gained 10 pounds over the last 3 weeks. I'm at 189, which is only 10 pounds below my normal weight. I expected to weigh in around 175.

Things weren't all positive though. Dr. Dougherty examined my neck and still feels a small lump in my neck. She estimates about 1cm x 1cm. She said the chemo may elminate it, and if not, surgery would be needed. So, please keep praying for the chemo to work on the lump in my neck. If we can avoid surgery, it will really improve the quality of my life and chances for survival.

When I go for my MRI next week, we'll know exactly what's left in there.

I'm upbeat, and no longer dreading the chemo. Bring it on. It's the next step in getting and keeping me better.

On the Upswing

"The robbed that smiles, steals something from the thief."

~William Shakespeare, Othello

Yesterday was Thanksgiving and although I have had to postpone my full-on turkey feast for the time being, I have good news to report. I'm STARTING to feel a little better.

I've been sick a few times the last few days, but for a couple days before that I did not get sick at all. My energy level is still low, but I am getting more calories again (2k or so). In fact, I wanted to try to swallow some water for the first time in like 8 weeks yesterday, so I could feel good about progress. I was able to successfully swallow a sip of water. I threw up right after because of the mucous, but the water itself got down and the swallow mechanism itself till works!!!! Hopefully, my mucositis will begin to thin out some time and I'll be able to drink water and then move up to shakes and eventually food again. I know that when I can eat again, I'll heal like a beast.

I'm talking a little bit in spurts when my throat is ok. I'd say I get out a few sentences a few times a day. I'm trying to do more and more of it. Again, it's the damn mucositis that's slowing down things there.

I'm definitely feeling a better than I was last week and the week before. Hopefully a week from now, I'll feel even better and so on.

Hope you all had great Turkey Days. I'm looking forward to having a turkey dinner with my family when I can eat again. I'm dying for some of Shelly's mom's stuffing . . . it's really unbelievable. Then again, almost all food looks really good to me right now. I still turn my nose up at bean casserole though.

Just Fighting

"I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish that He didn't trust me so much."
~Mother Teresa

So, here I am about two weeks after my radiation treatment has ended. My lymph nodes are very small, and I'm not sure if I can feel them in there any more or not. That's the good news.

The bad news is that recovery has been gruelling. I wish I had better news, but the fight has been very difficult the past few days. Yesterday I had a pretty decent day after what was 48 hours of real trouble. I was vomiting a lot and unable to take in more than 700 calories per day . . . just two stinking little cans of food. I felt like hell most of the past two weeks, actually making me wonder if I could possibly get through this. Not that I have much of a choice. With little sleep or nourishment for days, plus all the constant mucous, frequent vomiting, exhaustion, etc. it was a very dark time . . . and here I thought things were supposed to start getting easier.

Talking to others, I've learned that recovery generally doesn't begin until 2-3 weeks after radiation ends, and can take 8-12 weeks. I'm not sure how my additional chemo rounds will delay the process, but I imagine they'll drag things out a bit.

It's frustrating after having invested so much to getting better, that I just seem to be feeling worse. All the same, I'm hopeful that things will turn for me soon. My mom and Kristina have been amazing with their support, and I worry that they'll be exhausted by it all. Shelly's visits are very helpful, too.

I've definitely hit a wall where I can't use intellect to combat my illness any more, and it's as much of a pure physical as an emotional/spiritual struggle now. I'm down to 175 or so, and today I'm feeling better than I have.

To those who leave comments, you have no idea how much they mean to me. When I can't post because I feel so bad, I sometimes look back on comments and draw strength from them. Your prayers and good wishes keep me going.

Step One: Initial Treatments Done!

OK, so the good news is that I've completed my radiation treatments. No, I do not glow in the dark. The radiation will continue to work on my body for several weeks and gradually, over the next 6 weeks or so, I should begin to recover. I expect I'll be able to eat, something, again in a month or so and I'm excited. Even something as simple as pudding.

Right now, I'm still progressing through the waves of my last chemo treatment as well, so in another week or so, I should be pretty much in the recovery business.

There are two big looming things in my cancer fight now.

1. The tumor on the side of my neck is very small, but has not yet completely disappeared. The radiation, as I noted, will continue to work and there is a real possibility that it will destroy what's left of the tumor. However, there's also the possibility that it will not. This would most likely mean surgery to remove these lymph nodes. This is a very big deal and if you're wondering what specifically to pray for, pray that the radiation destroys this tumor.

2. My second series of chemotherapy treatments begin in about a month. These will be a series of three 96-hour hospital stays where I will have chemo drugs pumped into me around the clock. I'm not thrilled by this prospect, but I'm told this is an extremely effective followup to my iniital treatments. I've seen few people who've gone through it, and my doc explained that few people make it through the initial chemo/rad treatments as well as I can. Very often, the toxicity of the initial treatments is too much to allow patients to pursue this Phase II. So, I guess it's a testimony to my youth and toughness.

So, that's what's ahead. What's going on now? I'm feeling ok'ish. Like I said, battling chemo nausea and the ever-present mucositis. I'm at least well enough to blog, so that says something.

I'm very blessed to have the care of my mom, Kristina, Shelly, my dad, and the well-wishing of so many good people.

Here Comes the Sun

It's Friday, and I've got a nice weekend to recover without any hospital visits. No getting stuck with needles, hanging out with nice, but germy, people in a waiting room for hours, no answering the same questions to 3 different doctors and nurses, and no need to carry a cancer patient survival kit* everywhere I go.

More importantly, I am down to my last week of radiation treatments and this coming week, I'll get the last of my first cycle of chemo! One more day of chemo and 5 more days on that radiation table. At this time next week, I'll be done.

Since I wrote last, things got pretty rough for me. Honestly, I was barely living, fighting like hell to hang in there and endure until my body could get better. It was no fun. Monday after my radiation session around noon, the docs took me to the ER at Penn. Kristina, my mom, and I were there until about 7.15pm. They took x-rays, ran various blood and phelgm tests, and took a CT scan of my head. They found that I had a sinus infection on top of everything else that was complicating my mucositis, and gave me antibiotics to help fight it. After a few days of antibiotics, I feel a hell of a lot better.

Not only that, I can breathe through one of my nostrils again. After breathing only through my painfull raw, shredded mouth for weeks, it was an amazing feeling. I'm not doing it justice, but it felt like such an uplifting victory to be able to breathe with my mouth shut once in a while. It sounds really pathetic here.

The good news is that I am feeling very good. My spirits are soaring and I am excited to complete the first phase of my treatment plan next week. It's been a tough seven weeks of gradually increasing pain and discomfort. The future holds the opposite, every new day will be another day of recovery and regaining parts of myself that I've had to do without. I'm just thrilled to get to be me, so I can show my mom, Kristina, Shelly, my dad, and everyone who has helped how much they mean to me.

The constant cards and comments here have been amazing.